Thursday, May 30th, 2012

Peace. Patience. Things I pray for, things I am not very good at allowing in my life. It is almost comical how many times God has put the word “Peace” in my heart throughout this process. Today was no different. Chris and I did not get an official match this month again. We have been “unofficially” looking at a few files of girls waiting to be adopted. One is 2 years 3 months and one is 5 and a half. Both were on the very opposite end of the age range that we were considering (2-5). So the last few days have been stressful, trying to accomplish all the things I need to get done in my day with the end of school year stuff, baseball, soccer, going away for the weekend to Annapolis with Chris’ dad, staring work on my latest play at Apple Hill Playhouse, being one of three is the team that is planning and leading Field Day for this Friday, and then all the mundane stuff, like cooking, cleaning, laundry, playing with Jude…. My mind has been spinning. Several people have tried to talk to me about other things, sent me emails and texts, and quite honestly, I cannot process it all. My mind and body have been spinning in near constant motion.

Today Chris woke up with the alarm and crawled out of bed to wake Cole and get him started on his day. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to spend a few quiet moments listening and talking to God. I’m not very good at laying quietly listening. My mind wanders to all the things that need to be accomplished and on things I did yesterday that I now have to rehash in my brain. But I pressed through, listening for what God would have to say. And what He put in my brain was the story of Hagar and Sarai.

God had promised Sarai and Abram that they would have a son. But they were very old and many years had passed even since the promise, So Sarai decided to take things into her own hands and give her servant Hagar to Abram in order that he might continue his promised line through her (and that somehow Sarai thought she would be blessed as well). Well as you may or may not know or have guessed, this did not turn out well. Hagar did get pregnant and began to despise Sarai. Sarai eventually threw Hagar and her son out into the wilderness. God met Hagar there and told her that she should go back and submit to her mistress, that he would increase her descendants until they were too numerous to count. He told her that she would give birth to a son, he should be called “Ishmael” and that he would be a “wild ass of a man”. Hagar praised God and gave him his first name “The God who sees Me”.

The plans of Sarai were not the plans of God. She did not wait on God long enough and caused much grief to herself and others. God convicted me to not be a Sarai. To be patient. To wait on His perfect plans for me. Here was my devotional for the day:

“The peace that I give you transcends your intellect, When most of your mental energy goes into efforts to figure things out, you are unable receive this glorious gift. I look into your mind and see thoughts spinning round and round: going nowhere, accomplishing nothing. All the while, my Peace hovers over you, waiting for someplace to land. Be still in my presence, inviting Me to control your thoughts. Let my light soak into your mind and heart, until you are aglow with my very being. This is the most effective way to receive my Peace.”

 What do you think God is telling me?? I wrote this post on June 1st. I cannot wait to tell you what happened June 2nd....details to come :)